Workplace conflict is common. It’s any disagreement that disrupts the flow of work. Simply put, conflict reduces productivity. But it can also be a disagreement between two individuals that affects relationships. Chronically difficult people, clashes of personality, verbal abuse, harassment, bullying, unethical or unfair behavior—any or all of these can be present in the workplace. As a leader, it’s to your benefit to know how to handle conflict in a healthy way.
According to the Center for Management and Organization Effectiveness, conflict in the workplace has a high cost. They found “that surveyed employees in nine countries averaged a little over two hours every week dealing with conflict. Based on an average 2008 salary, that time translated to about $359 billion—or 385 million days of work—going toward conflict.”[1]
A 2018 study by Randstand US found additional consequences of workplace conflict, including:
58% of workers surveyed have quit a job—or are considering it—because of disruptive workplace politics
38% want to quit because of poor workplace culture or a feeling that they don’t fit in
86% of job seekers avoid applying to organizations that have been reviewed poorly by their workforce[2]
Randstand researcher Jim Link comments, “While salary and PTO will always be factors in attraction, engagement and retention, the intangible benefits and day-to-day experiences at work have risen in importance. If the full spectrum of values—emotional, financial and lifestyle—aren’t being met, workers will easily find opportunities elsewhere.” Handling conflict well creates the kind of positive work environment necessary in today’s marketplace to attract and retain top talent. When you let conflict build, you create a toxic work environment that encourages people to disengage from relationships and eventually drives them away.
Training and experience will not help you avoid conflict altogether. No relationship of any meaning and depth is without some conflict. But healthy conflict is that which gets resolved. A recent workplace study found that 57% of employees reported having some conflict training at work. Of those, 95% reported it helped them find positive resolutions to conflict. And 85% said they were able to experience conflict without being offended because of their training. While this brief teaching text doesn’t substitute for comprehensive training, let’s at least set a biblical framework for how to handle conflict in a healthy way.
Start with humility. Matthew 18 gives instruction for Christians resolving conflict with other Christians, using the church as the authority when a disagreement cannot be resolved between brothers in Christ. Most of our work conflicts are outside of this format. But there are a number of characteristics of this process that apply to every conflict—beginning with humility. Even if you believe your position is “in the right”, conflict resolution is never foremost about winning an argument. Instead, resolving conflict between people is always to restore the relationship. This is why Philippians 2:3-4 sets the tone of conflict resolution for the Christ-follower: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
Converse with grace and understanding. Conflict resolution is a conversation, not a lecture. The objective is not to make your point, but to come to an understanding. On occasion, conflict is caused by outright sin. But nearly all of the time our interpersonal conflicts are differences of opinion with nuances and experiences that influence our behavior. Romans 12:16 tells us, “Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.” Resolving conflict does not mean to take a higher position over someone else and then get them to admit they were wrong.
Season your conversation with grace. Listen with the intent to understand. Even if you don’t resolve the conflict, talking about it should put both parties at ease. Ephesians 4:2 says, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” In conflict resolution you want to be gentle, and to come to the table from a place of genuine concern for the other party. If you are angry about the situation, bring some help into the situation so that you can set aside strong emotions before having a conversation.
Have a more formal process. Matthew 18 details an escalating process for resolving conflict among Christians. First go alone, then with a brother, and then to the church. This is another lesson for conflict of all kinds. Have a more formal organizational process available. Don’t invent this when conflict arises—think and plan for this beforehand and let everyone in your organization know of the process from day one. Explain, “We want to solve most small conflicts informally among ourselves in caring conversation. But we have a great process that is fair to everyone when more serious conflict arises.”
Be sure your process involves a neutral third-party, as it is often difficult for an employee to bring up an issue with their supervisor or other superior for fear of repercussion. As a Christ-centered leader, your process should reflect your faith-driven character. Colossians 3:12 reminds us, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”
Engage rather than avoid. Finally, remember that conflict doesn’t just “go away”. People being quiet about their disagreements is not a sign that a situation has been resolved. Take initiative and ensure that relationships are restored. Paul reminds us in Ephesians 4:25, “Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another.” One mark of a Christ-follower is that he leads in specific changes of behavior.[3] Where you may have tried in the past to sweep conflict under the rug, now is the time to make the change to speak truth to your neighbor. Engage by approaching humbly, being determined to listen well, and with a desire to build stronger and healthier relationships when walking through conflict.
Did you get ripped off today? How about shouted down? Stuck in traffic? Something get broken at the house? A health issue came up? How do you respond when you have a bad day?