Good Leaders and Gossip

Some people are energized when they have interesting news about someone else. Whether it’s in the office hallway, or an aside in meeting, or across the lunch table, they can’t wait to share “inside information”, especially if it paints someone else in a negative or surprising light. We even do this as Christians in a quazi-spiritual way. We’ll say, “I have a confidential prayer request about…” and then spill some interesting news under the guise of supporting that person with prayer.

These casual, unrestrained conversations about other people are wrong. They often involve details that are untrue. And they never, ever help the given situation. Do you know a person who often reveals personal or sensitive information about other people? The Bible warns us about gossip. The New Testament contains multiple instructions to us regarding unrestrained speech:

• “If anyone thinks they are religious but does not bridle their tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.” James 1:26

• “To speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy to all people.” Titus 3:2

• “... avoid irreverent babble, for it will lead people into more and more ungodliness.” 2 Timothy 2:16

• “Let no corrupt talk come out of your mouths, but only such as good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Ephesians 4:29

Interestingly, these commands are specifically given to leaders in the early church. The context speaks to the danger of leaders engaging in gossip. When a leader engages is gossip, he erodes trust among his peers and reports. He becomes known for talking down about others and so people begin to keep information from him that they don’t want getting out. Gossip also creates divisiveness, as people tend to take sides based on what they hear. Gossip hurts feelings, alienates friends, ruins reputations, stirs up aggression, and creates anxiety and stress as people begin to act on unconfirmed facts and rumors.

The Apostles knew the damage the unbridled tongue might do in the early church, and spoke often of how to talk and interact with others. Today we are just a click or tap away from doing damage to those around us and ourselves with gossip. How, then, should a leader handle his speech, and the tendency of those around him to gossip?

Don’t gossip. The best way to lead yourself and others toward wholesome speech is to simply stop gossiping. Before speaking, ask yourself in each instance, “Will what I am about to say contribute positively to the conversation?” In many cases the answer is no. 1 Peter 2:1 tells us to “put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander.” The Greek word in this verse for “put away” is translated to “get rid of” or “to take off”—like removing a garment. The picture is for someone to simply remove unwholesome speech from their person entirely. This may mean a quieter demeanor overall, as the positive alternative to gossip is often to not speak at all. 

Change the conversation. The motivation behind gossip is often to reveal something surprising or negative about someone. This is selfish, coming from a mental state where the gossiper wants to make themselves look good by making others look bad. Instead take a positive approach with your words. If you know something about a person that is gossip, how might you instead encourage them? Take 1 Thessalonians 5:11 to heart: “So continue encouraging one another and building each other up…” When you hear gossip or are tempted to gossip, consider how you might instead speak to build someone up instead of tear them down. This has the added benefit of others knowing that when you speak of them, you are positive and encouraging, and this builds trust.

Avoid the drama. Gossip is often at the heart of personal or workplace disagreements, rivalries or envy. When you hear someone starting to gossip, resolve to just walk away and not involve yourself at all. Colossians 3:8 tells us, “But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander and filthy language from your lips.” A leader who hangs out with gossips will himself be labeled one. Think about the leader, though, who is never in that position, and detests those who speak with malice, anger or slander. He reveals his good character by avoiding those of low moral standards.

Confront and restore. Perhaps the most difficult response to gossip is to confront it head-on. When someone gossips, let them know that their actions are concerning to you and may be causing harm to others. Ask them if they are disconnected from the person they are talking about, and if you might help them restore that relationship. Remind them that you want what is best for them and for their relationships personally and in the workplace. Tell them that you find gossip unacceptable and it will hinder their ability to lead and grow in the future. James 3:2 tells us, “For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body.” Gossip can be a sinful mistake by a person, and nobody is perfect. Faith-centered leaders should strive to be a positive influence and lead others away from sin and toward the best version of themselves.