Hugging the Cactus

In nature there are between 1,500 and 1,800 species of cactus. They’re a plant type known for being able to adapt to harsh conditions. Some cacti live more than 300 years. And they can be quite large. The saguaro variety has been measured at up to 78 feet. Of course, cacti are generally unapproachable. You know this because most of them are covered in prickly spines that pierce the skin and hurt if you grab them. Some cacti are very beautiful or majestic. But you wouldn’t want to hug one—it’ll leave scars. Instead we view them from a safe distance.

In leadership we sometimes use the phrase, “Hugging the cactus”. The cactus represents the painful realities of past mistakes, trauma, shame, guilt, and other difficult aspects of life that we often try to avoid or suppress. Hugging the cactus is about facing challenges head-on. Do we have the tough shell in our life and leadership that it takes to acknowledge uncomfortable emotions, and character weaknesses, so that we can move through them and grow personally and professionally?

Embrace discomfort. “Hugging the cactus” is sometimes associated with actor and recovering addict Robert Downey, Jr. He used the phrase during an awards speech, and credited it to his friend Mel Gibson. Downey said, “he (Gibson) said that if I accepted responsibility for my wrongdoings and if I embrace that part of my soul that was ugly—hugging the cactus as he called it—because he said that if I hug the cactus long enough, I’d become a man of some humility, and that my life would take on a new meaning. And I did and it worked.” As a leader, do you have the courage to grow through hugging the cactus?

Can you embrace and confront those areas of your life and work that are uncomfortable? It could be mistakes you have made, people you have wronged, sin or unethical behavior you’ve practiced. A leader is tempted to cover over these discomforts. It annoys us to deal with them so we avoid them. We don’t talk about it. We don’t seek help. We assume if we don’t mention it then nobody else will notice and it won’t affect us. The reality is that weaknesses and wrongs that aren’t handled will instead begin to bleed over into other areas of home, relationships, work and personal development. A leader truly interested in becoming the best version of himself will take the challenge to hug the cactus.

Question: What is one area of your life that makes you uncomfortable and that you’d rather not deal with or talk about?

Humility brings growth. Humility in leadership is a powerful characteristic. Learning to put others first acknowledges their value. Humility is also about knowing limitations, which makes you more approachable. Humble leaders realize they don’t have all the answers, and involve others in their work and decision-making. The combination of genuine interest, valuing others and collaborative work leads to trustworthiness and respect. Leaders who desire to grow personally and professionally will look to humility is an area to develop.

Developing humility is hugging the cactus, because it requires admitting and exposing weaknesses, and setting aside self-interest. Humility is putting people and purpose ahead of projects. It redefines success by measuring it in the growth and potential found in others. Humility requires courage, because

Question: Who, besides yourself, do you genuinely care about enough to invest your life and leadership?

Eat the elephant. A final facet of hugging the cactus is realizing that obstacles are overcome through a consistent investment of time. Change happens slowly, most often by concentrating on one area of life or work at a time. It’s often only by looking back over months or years that we see ourself as a different person. On any particular day, it may only be a small adjustment that we make, or a specific lesson that we learn. The answer to the question, “How do you eat an elephant?” is simple: one bite at a time.

Hugging the cactus, then, is not a one-time embrace. It’s a lifestyle of looking to the hard things, and being willing to get your arms around what makes you uncomfortable, in order to improve and grow in that area. It’s most natural for a leader to play to their own strengths, putting most of our time and energy into doing the things we do well. Hugging the cactus acknowledges that we’re really growing as leaders when we do the opposite and spend our time on the things that we’re not good at, or that we consistently fail in.

Question: What one thing can you do today that would hug the cactus in an area of life and leadership?