How to Listen

Perhaps no other communication skill is more important for a leader than understanding now to listen. Listening is so much more than not talking. You can be perfectly quiet and not be listening. To listen actively and with specific intention will greatly broaden both your connection to others and your ability to influence them as a leader based on what you are hearing and processing. Former Secretary of State Colin Powell said, “Diplomacy is listening to what the other guy needs. Preserving your own position—but listening to the other guy. You have to develop relationships with other people so when the tough times come, you can work together.”

James 1:19 says, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger…” It’s interesting that this verse connects good listening with being slow to anger. What a powerful indication that our listening abilities affect our emotional responses. In Proverbs 19:20 we read, “Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.” Here too the Bible connects good listening with another benefit, which is the gaining of wisdom and instruction.

A leader must learn how to listen well in order to speak well. Without good listening, it is impossible to give instruction or opinion and at the same time connect to the recipient in a meaningful way. Often leaders assume they are worth listening to because of their position. In a sense this is true, but simply barking instructions at others means your orders may be followed, but only at the most basic level and without enthusiasm or passion.

There are two modes of listening, and a leader will avoid the first and work diligently toward the second:

Listening to respond. This is the most common listening mode of leaders, who stop talking only long enough to couch a response to what someone else is saying. Proverbs 18:13 says, “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.” When listening to respond, you enter the conversation with one goal in mind—to make your point. All other opinions and input either add to or detract from your goal. Listening to respond is a self-focused mode of communication in which you will likely learn very little. And because the listener can pick up on this, it is also likely you will fail to achieve your given goal, which is to be heard.

Leadership guru Simon Sinek said, “There is a difference between listening and waiting for your turn to speak.” And he’s right. Jesus told His disciples, “If anyone has ears to hear, let him hear… Pay attention to what you hear: with the measure you use, it will be measured to you, and still more will be added to you” (Mark 4:23-24). His instruction here is clear—listen first. A leader who is a good listener will hold an opinion of value. Listening to respond is simply a break between moments when one talks, and isn’t really listening at all.

Listening to understand. True listening begins by entering any conversation with your goal being to hear and understand what others have to say. If your goal is to communicate your point, you will not really be listening. If you cannot make your goal to hear others, you should find another means by which to communicate your point. This sounds counter-intuitive, but it will actually lead you to your goal, which is for others to hear your side or argument. In order to accomplish this, however, you must hear theirs.

Author Ernest Hemingway said, “When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.” A good listener hears without judging or jumping to conclusions. A good listener does not assume others want their opinions or solutions. A good listener does not interrupt, or mentally plan what to say next. A good listener picks up non-verbal cues as well, which means they stay focused on who is talking, make eye contact, and pay close attention.

Proverbs 12:15 makes a powerful point about listening: “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.” Notice how the writer refers to someone who embraces his own opinion first before listening to others—a fool! Proverbs talks often about the foolishness of talkative leaders. Proverbs 17:28 reminds us, “Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.” This is because silence and good listening is considered the mark of an intelligent person—remember this dates all the way back to the Old Testament some 4,000 years ago.