Engaging people in productive conversation is a daily facet of leadership. But most conversations aren’t productive. And according to the US Bureau of Labor Statistics, we spend an average of 7.8 hours a day working, but only an average of 34 minutes communicating.[1] Perhaps this is why 86% of employees and executives blame lack of effective communication for errors in the workplace. We aren’t talking to each other enough, and when we do, it’s not with intention and clarity. In fact, teams who communicate effectively may see as much as a 25% increase in their productivity.[2] Here are ten simply ways to have a better conversation:
Have a reason. Don’t start a conversation if you don’t have a reason. Even if the conversation is to catch up with friends or family, enter into any exchange with a thought of what you’d like to accomplish—or stay away from. If politics, current events or social issues will derail the conversation, then make a mental note on how to steer the conversation before you open your mouth.
Listen first. Avoid the temptation to talk. Some of your most effective communication can be to engage in active listening. Enter a conversation with the intent to hear what others are saying and process and remember their words. A good listener has conversations in order to learn something, versus make a point.
Smile. Body language communicates as much or more than words do. A kind demeanor and smiling face encourages others to open up and speak truthfully. Folded arms across the chest, a serious face and distracted eyes signal that your thoughts are elsewhere. The mind is very sophisticated about communication. About 93% of effective communication is nonverbal—eyes, facial expression, posture, hand gestures—while spoken words account for just 7%.
Ask questions. Over 70% of employees indicate they are more likely to share thoughts with leaders through a feedback mechanism. Consider how asking questions in a conversation encourages others to talk, open up and share their true thinking. Questions indicate you have a genuine interest in hearing from others, versus making statements yourself.
Find similarities. In a conversation, look for areas where you share thoughts and opinions with other parties and mention those. Building common connections helps alleviate stress and anxiety over differences that are likely to also occur. A leader cannot surround himself entirely with like-minded people and grow in their capacity. Instead, learn to seek common ground and strengthen relationships from there.
Make eye contact. When in conversation the most important element you can give to another person is your full attention. This is most communicated through the eyes. Look away, look down, look at someone else, and it instantly says you’re not paying attention to them. Staring communicates hostility, but casual eye contact increases credibility.[3] To ensure you get sufficient eye content, make a mental note of the person’s eye color during your conversation.
Be brief and specific. Effective conversations don’t have to wander. If you have a specific topic, stick to it. Small talk can always open a friendly conversation, but move on to the subject matter and be direct. If you initiate, let the other party know what you’d like to talk about. If you are on the receiving end, ask a question that steers the other party toward their desired topic. If you’ve covered what needs to be covered, don’t hesitate to end a conversation with a thank you and a follow-up option if necessary.
Favor in-person talks over phone, texting or email. Phone calls make up only 2% of communication in the workplace—75% of millennials dislike making phone calls. Emails are the primary method of office communication for 74% of working adults. Consider, then, how in-person talks can be impactful, both because they are rare, and because they show the importance you place on knowing what people think. Choose neutral locations like a common gathering place or informal seating area versus a closed-door office, as it puts others at ease.
End on a positive. Nobody like awkward silence or a foreboding suggestion. Instead always try to end on a positive note—even if it’s, “Sorry we couldn’t resolve this, but I’m glad we’re working on it.” In a world of pessimistic talk, strive to be the optimist. Being positive in conversation also has the benefit of drawing others into conversation with you, as you become known as an encourager who is always looking on the bright side.
Think, then speak. Rushing a conversation seldom yield’s the best results. Don’t be in a hurry. Even if you are indeed in a hurry, slow down anyway. The desire to take time for a needed conversation communicates confidence and purpose from a leader. Don’t be the person waiting for a pause between sentence before you insert your pre-determined thoughts. Wait until the other party is ready to listen. If they won’t let a word in, consider a question: “May I take a minute to give you a thought or two that I had?”
What if there was a kind of cold call that was 100% successful? A call that, every time you made it, something meaningful would occur? A cold call so powerful that a response is guaranteed?