An obsession is an unhealthy preoccupation with an idea or feeling that is unreasonable. We’ve become comfortable in our society with the word obsession. A few years ago there was a perfume fragrance named Obsession. We like to admit we’re obsessed with something. We’ll wear the word like a badge of honor. But we miss the meaning of it, considering our preoccupation something to aspire to. We can be obsessed with work. Or chocolate. Or Star Wars. It’s whatever that person or thing is we can’t get enough of.
No earthly obsession benefits us. Unhealthy preoccupations make us bad leaders. We become enamored with ideas or feelings that lead us to poor decisions, wrong relationships, unwise purchases, inflated egos. Obsessions fly in the face of all of the teaching we receive throughout life and work on balance, moderation, healthy habits, and selfless service. We’re predisposed to obsession in three key areas:
The lusts of the flesh. This includes not only sexual or sensual desires, but anything we might “lust after”. The word lust has its origin in an old English word that translates as “insatiable appetite for pleasure”. The word in the Greek is epithumia, meaning “heat upon heat”—something we are “hot” for. This defines any desire we have that is devoid of godliness or the will of God. Lusts tend to center on unhealthy relationships. But we can be obsessed with many other things simply for the personal pleasure it gives us. Food. Intoxication via drugs or alcohol. Revenge or retaliation.
About 20% of all couples commit infidelity.[1] But virtual lust is much more common than physical. About 25% of all internet searches are related to pornography.[2] Research reveals the effect that porn has on the mind. Giving in to this insatiable appetite severely diminishes our ability to have healthy sexual relationships, literally changing the brain’s capacity in this regard.[3] Consider how lust in other areas might also affect the mind’s ability to process relationships, food, alcohol, in a productive and healthy manner.
The desires of the eyes. These are obsessions with those things we see—the things of life. That house, that car, the vacation destination. New watch. New iPhone. New clothes. That limited pair of Jordans. Money. We all know people who are preoccupied with an outward show of materialism. They believe they must show their value to others by what they have amassed. Did you know the average home in the US contains over 300,000 items? About 25% of garages in homes don’t contain a car—they’re filled with the stuff we’ve collected. And the average person throws away 68 pounds of clothes per year.[4]
We’re literally drowning under a wave of things we don’t need. We spend $1.2 trillion a year in the US on non-essential items. We see something and we want it. Advertising does a great job of making whatever it is look attractive, and convincing us we can’t do without it. An obsession with things leads to a lifestyle of clutter. We’re so preoccupied with managing our stuff that disorganization and overspending is keeping us from greater meaning in work, greater depth in family relationships, greater vision for our own personal and spiritual direction.
The pride of life. This is arrogant self-sufficiency. The need for status, recognition, credit, applause. A desire to gain an advantage over others. Power or prestige. A person can be obsessed with their own name and reputation. A proud mind affects a leader’s ability to connect with others. A recent study found about 30% of all leaders are considered arrogant by those they lead.[5] Further, a leader’s lack of humility also impacts his ability to grow and develop in life and work. A study concluded that “…learning requires the humility to realize one has something to learn.”[6]
Current US culture suffers from an epidemic of narcissism. As much as 15% of the population may suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, defined as “pervasive pattern of grandiosity, a need for admiration, a lack of empathy, and a heightened sense of self-importance.”[7] Pride in oneself can blind a leader to the needs of others, and diminish the empathy and listening ear necessary to build meaningful relationships. Focusing on self-sufficiency will likely lead to isolation, when a leader values himself above those around him.
A different obsession. The Bible has some specific teaching on obsessions. You’d think that obsession about anything would be something that Scripture forbids, but that’s not true. God created us with desires, dreams, wants—a capacity to be occupied with ideas. And so God wants us to direct that propensity in a heavenward direction. 1 John 2:15-17 teaches, “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.”
God is clear. He tells us that we’ll have a tendency to be obsessed. But if we’re going to be obsessed with Anyone, then it must be God alone. No pursuit outside of God will bring us true satisfaction, because all of these—people, pleasures, possessions, power—will pass away in light of eternity. One day we’ll all be dead, and every obsession we have on earth will die with us. This is why the instruction of 1 John 2 is so poignant. God does not deny us our predisposition toward obsession. He only requires that we have a powerful preoccupation with the One obsession that will bring us the eternal result we truly desire.
[1] https://couplesacademy.org/infidelity-statistics/
[2] https://www.hobokengrace.com/blog/lets-talk-lust/
[3] https://www.yourbrainonporn.com
[4] https://fee.org/articles/6-stats-that-show-americans-are-drowning-in-stuff-they-dont-need/
[5] https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8101990/
[6] Krumrei-Mancuso EJ, Haggard MC, LaBouff JP, & Rowatt WC (2019). Links between intellectual humility and acquiring knowledge. Journal of Positive Psychology, 1–16.
[7] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK556001/
Cover photo: Shutterstock
Authenticity is the factor in your character that helps you live and lead as your true self. Authenticity helps you to make good decisions, influence others, maintain consistent values, convey a sense of purpose, and have a strong self-awareness.