Therefore, each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. Ephesians 4:25.
In 1920, an Italian immigrant to the United States was running an investment business speculating in international postage coupons. He promised investors a generous 50% return in just 90 days. Each time new investors gave him money, he would use those funds to pay off early investors, creating the illusion that they were profiting from a legitimate business. At one point, he was taking in about $250,000 a day—some $3 million in today’s money. His name today is famous—Charles Ponzi. His scam caught up with him in August of that same year when he was charged with 86 counts of mail fraud. In fact, Ponzi had made a fortune off of lying to people. So good in fact that the government named a type of fraud after him—the Ponzi scheme.[1]
Charles Ponzi was caught in fraud and went to prison. Upon release, he went right back to lies and deceit.
Some of us lie all the time. We are more than 100 years removed from Charles Ponzi, yet we still live in a culture of lies. A recent study by the University of Massachusetts found that during an average 10-minute conversation, 60% of people will say something that isn’t entirely true. Most people in the study didn’t even realize how many lies they told until the conversation was replayed to them on video.[2] Researcher Robert S. Feldmen, author of The Liar in Your Life, who has studied lying for years, comments that most people lie “because it greases the wheels of social interaction”. We may lie so often we are not even conscious of it. “A lie may be saying you feel well when you feel awful or complimenting something or someone that you actually don’t like.”
We not only lie ourselves, but also teach our children to lie. We may tell them not to lie, and at the same time teach them that in certain circumstances it’s okay to lie. Certainly, we have to lie about grandma’s fruitcake, and no, that dress does not make you look fat. Even though our lives are surrounded by lies, we convince ourselves that most people are truthful toward us. Feldmen comments, “Truth bias occurs because we tend to assume that other people are being truthful and, that leads us to miss many lies.”[3]
“A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.” --Mark Twain
A leader’s foundation is truthfulness. Perhaps this is why the Bible is filled with instruction on honesty. God never lies. Ever. He cannot and does not lie (Hebrews 6:18, Titus 1:2). This fact is a starting point for faith in God. Honestly is the nature of God, Who, in His perfection, is and must be free of deceit. If this were not true, then God Himself would not be trustworthy, nor would His Word, nor would our eternity. All would be built on falsehoods. Because God never lies, and we are God’s people, then godly leaders will also reflect His character. In other words, God’s people, if they really are God’s people, are honest.[4] Truthfulness is a mark of a leader who knows and follows God.
Honesty is central to the Gospel. How can leaders effectively share their faith with others if they are known for not telling the truth? It would then be perfectly reasonable for someone to question the leader’s beliefs if he is known for twisting the truth. The Gospel, which is the truth of God, revealed in His Word, must be shared as absolute truth by honest people.
To be honest is to be free of deceit and untruthfulness. For a Christian, complete sincerity should apply to all relationships, beginning with the spouse and family and extending to friends, acquaintances and business associates. The Bible paints a stark picture of the wickedness of society apart from God in Jeremiah 9:5, “Everyone deceives his neighbor, and no one speaks the truth; they have taught their tongue to speak lies; they weary themselves committing iniquity.” The reality is that God expects us to represent Him through healthy interaction with others, which includes a high-bar in the area of honesty.
Honesty helps to build authentic relationships. Honesty with others is a moral norm for leaders—we expect others to be honest with us, though most people are not completely honest at all times. Lack of trust in any relationship erodes genuine connection. Dishonesty with your wife erodes intimacy. With friends, secrets and lies create discomfort and guilt. A lifestyle of deception will eat away at self-esteem and can create a constant state of shame, as the gap between the person projected to others on the outside, and the reality of the person inside rots.[5] Proverbs 12:5 says, “The thoughts of the righteous are just; the counsels of the wicked are deceitful.” The Bible draws a parallel to the counsel (conversation) of those who are deceitful, calling them wicked.
Dishonesty has a compounding negative effect in a leader’s relationships. The first lie may take another to cover it, and another. After some time, when the truth is finally revealed, it is far worse than the original secret. Fear of this discovery keeps liars from engaging in relationships because more and more of the real person’s deceit must be revealed.
Honesty develops the ability for healthy confrontation. The reasoning behind much of our dishonesty is that we do not want to risk offending others. The reality is that lies keep us from developing the ability to have healthy confrontations, which are a requirement of leadership in any arena. Very few people are relaxed, confident and positive in an environment where disagreement exists. The ability of a leader to recognize the need for and handle confrontations in a reasonable manner is one of the keys to long-term trust building.
Proverbs 10:18 speaks to this: “The one who conceals hatred has lying lips, and whoever utters slander is a fool.” In a confrontation, a leader is trying to first get to the truth in order to restore a relationship, find a fitting compromise or quell a disagreement. Lies and slander create confrontations which may come from false assumptions or outright deception. Have you ever known someone who acted out of hatred but blamed his actions on a more reasonable stance? An honest leader can more readily recognize the foolishness of these words and dig to the heart of the matter.
Honesty is a less stressful lifestyle. Dishonesty always leads to other actions that build on or attempt to justify our secrets or lies. Leaders may become more withdrawn, critical toward others, aggressive, or irritable. Internally we are conflicted. In remembering and mentally organizing deceptions, leaders are increasingly thinking about who they lied to about what. A dishonest life is a stressful life, with the mind constantly engaged in remembering deceptions, even as it builds new deceptions to cover up or continue the old. Honesty means never having to remember whether what you said is true or not.
“Resolve to be honest at all events; and if, in your own judgment, you cannot be an honest lawyer, resolve to be honest without being a lawyer. Choose some other occupation.” —Abraham Lincoln
The Bible speaks of the great burden of lying. Proverbs 19:9 says, “A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who breathes out lies will perish.” The teaching is clear—we will either learn how to be truthful, or we will suffer greatly for our dishonesty. So how does one move from a lifestyle of “little white lies” or even outright deception in significant areas of life and work, to one in which truthfulness is a mark of their personal character?
Honest leaders speak less. Low hanging fruit when it comes to honesty—just don’t say as much. Think before you talk. This is ever more difficult in a society filled with social media and talking heads on TV, where every opinion is broadcast all the time. Proverbs 12:19 teaches, “Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue is but for a moment.” When you think about it, though, you’ll find that the voices you respect the most are the ones that listen first and measure their speech carefully. The liar, however, is quick to talk, and often quick-spoken. They’ll speak first and fast, and this is a clear tell pointing to deception. Holding your words is a sign of wisdom. If you have trouble with the truth, pausing before you talk also gives you time to consider the truthfulness in what you are about to say.
Honest leaders write down their commitments. More difficult for many who have a tendency to lie is to codify their commitments. When you promise something, when you commit to anyone, write it down. Ephesians 4:25 reminds us, “Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.” The lesson is to remember that our commitments cement our relationships, and to break that bond with falsehood will be tremendously destructive.
Often in business meetings you’ll hear the phrase “you have my word.” This phrase has been handed down from chivalric code, associated with medieval Christian knighthood and developed between 1170 and 1220. The idea is that a gentleman would stake his very honor on his words. To make a promise and not keep would bring shame to his entire household. When it comes to your commitments, are you a man of your word?
Honest leaders keep a close confidant. Harder still is to have a relationship with someone that can keep your confidence and be honest with you about your words and actions. Ideally this is your spouse, a business partner, a close friend, a pastor—someone you see regularly and can be open with. Someone who you can trust to tell you the truth, even when it’s ugly. And someone who can call you to account when they see you’ve crossed the line into dishonesty. These relationships are few and far between, in truth because most people never reach a level of complete honesty with anyone, not even themselves.
Liars can be isolated, distant. James 3:14 says, “But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth.” If you are in business and life only for yourself, you will be tempted to deceive those around you for personal gain. Developing leaders find strong, trusting relationships from which to gain experience and share struggles. This can only be done effectively in a cocoon of honesty.
Honest leaders own up to mistakes. One area of dishonesty we can fall into is lying to cover up our mistakes. The truth is that nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes and we all do wrong. Instead of papering over mistakes with lies, own up to where you fall short. Ask others to help you. 1 Peter 3:10 tells us, “Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit…” No matter the difficult situation you face today, the Bible promises “good days” ahead when you are open and honest, approaching your mistakes as opportunities to learn and grow.
Honest leaders don’t compare themselves. Are you influenced by others very easily and desire to make a favorable impression? People lie when they start comparing themselves with others. It seems easy to cover their own inadequacies with half-truths. The more time you spend with them the more creative you become with lies. Instead accept yourself as you are. If you are dissatisfied with a personal trait, try to correct them instead of lying and showing yourself in a better frame.[6] Scripture says of God, “Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart” (Psalm 51:6). God Himself is satisfied with who you are, and is delighted when you are honest about yourself. Why constantly live life on a scale of competition or comparison when God Himself does not compare you to anyone else?
Honest leaders don’t exaggerate or embellish. A person who is in the habit of exaggerating and embellishing things will take the help of half-truths to make his point viable in front of others. When the words are not honest you lose authenticity. Embellishments and exaggeration can later become wild fantasies that will create a bad impression about you on others. Start speaking accurate facts to create a favorable impact on those near to you. Proverbs 26:24 reminds us that lies we tell are nothing more than a disguise: “Whoever hates disguises himself with his lips and harbors deceit in his heart.”
Honest leaders avoid associating with liars. Nothing increases lies like associating with other liars. when you start mingling with them their mindset will have a direct impact on your own thought process. Lying, half-truths and dishonesty will not look like bad habits simply a part of life to save you from adverse situations. Instead surround yourself with honest people who encourage the truth. When in the company of those with admirable character you will naturally emulate them and improve in honesty and trustworthiness.
Bernie Madoff was a top leader on Wall Street, organizing markets and working with some of America’s wealthiest and most powerful financiers for decades. But it was all a lie…
An even bigger lie? You may not have known the story of Charles Ponzi, though you know about Ponzi schemes. But you do know a more recent example of massive deception by investor Bernie Madoff. In fact, Madoff perpetrated the largest fraud in history, stealing more than $65 billion from investors in a lie that lasted decades. It remains the largest Ponzi scheme ever recorded. The deception grew so large that Madoff had an entire building floor of staff people making fake records of client accounts—miles of paperwork documenting investments that did not exist. His story is told in the movie The Wizard of Lies.
Madoff was eventually convicted and sentenced to 150 years in prison. From behind bars, he said, “Everybody thinks the worst of me… There’s nothing for me to change from. It’s not like I ever considered myself a bad person.” His lies had bankrupted hundreds, destroying lives and families. His own son committed suicide not long after his scheme was discovered. Madoff seemed oblivious to his evil deeds. He had lied to so many people for so long, he was trapped in his lies. He could no longer distinguish the truth or speak without lying in some fashion. In the end he was content to die believing his own lies about himself. Madoff passed in April 2021.
[1] https://www.readersdigest.com.au/true-stories-lifestyle/11-biggest-lies-made-history
[2] https://www.umass.edu/newsoffice/article/umass-amherst-researcher-finds-most-people-lie-everyday-conversation
[3] https://www.smartcompany.com.au/startupsmart/advice/the-truth-about-lying-and-why-you-do-it-apparently-we-all-lie/
[4] https://www.gotquestions.org/Bible-honesty.html
[5] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/201801/how-secrets-and-lies-destroy-relationships
[6] https://www.marketing91.com/14-ways-to-be-honest/