There is nothing especially magical about January 1. It’s another day that we have been given the opportunity to make the most of. Yet somehow it feels different, as one year ends and a new one begins, we face it with hopeful optimism, looking forward to the future. As the ball drops in Times Square, we even make resolutions to be different starting January 1. We’ll start that new thing, lose weight, get in shape, quit smoking, fix that relationship, reach for that promotion.
No matter how good life has been, how successful, how many things have gone your way, we all face times when we want to start over. As leaders, men, fathers and sons, business owners, friends, mentors, peers, we mess up. A lot. We all face moments when we just want to quit and begin anew. The what ifs, if onlys, should haves, could haves can eat the joy right out of you. Maybe you are thinking right now of your present circumstances and what has occurred to bring you to this point—those things which you have no control over, and those things that were completely up to you. And as these thoughts chew you up, your greatest desire is to just start over. Begin again. Take another stab at it.
Any way you want to look at it, 2020 was a train wreck. In March the nation was shown an ominous chart predicting up to 2.2 million deaths from Covid if we did nothing. So we not only did something, we totally upended ourselves for the remainder of the year and the following year. And through it all the daily case count and deaths were on the crawl at the bottom of the news channels. And let’s not forget the race riots. And the collapse of the travel and leisure industries. And the election fight. For business, for family, for culture; emotionally, physically, spiritually, the global pandemic has upset plans, destroyed paths and short-circuited progress. More than ever this particular time, as a leader you are likely to want a re-launch. But it’s not like there’s a button you can just push. How, exactly, do you accomplish a reset? Here are four steps to get from the rut of today to the wide open road of tomorrow.
Let go. The first step in a reboot is also the hardest. Let go of the past. Mistakes, sin, missteps, malfunctions. Avoid continually running over the past in your mind, looking for where you might have changed or adapted earlier, or avoided the rut that you find yourself in. In order to step forward, you must be facing forward, and not looking to what is behind you. Paul says in Philippians 3:13b-14, “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus”. When we fail to leave the past behind us, we’ll get stuck in it.
Andy Bailey, CEO and head coach of business coaching firm Petra Coach, says, “As a business coach, I’ve often seen CEOs unwilling to change the way they work and communicate, stifling the success of a company that would otherwise flourish.” This unwillingness to change is the result of being stuck in your present circumstances.
According to healthline.com, forgiveness is vital to the healing process because it allows you to let go of anger, guilt, shame, sadness, or any other feeling you may be experiencing and move on. If you are having difficulty letting go of a past hurt, instead of waiting on the other party to apologize (and that may never come), you may instead need to focus on forgiveness.
One method of letting go is to make a list of those things that most frustrate you. List those actions or areas where you have been disappointed in yourself, or felt disappointment at an outcome. Think carefully and give words to what you dislike about your current circumstance. Then take that page and burn it. Seriously, light it on fire (safely) and watch it go. Resolve to put those thoughts out of your mind and start fresh. Sometimes letting go of the past needs an actual physical release.
A second beat on letting go is to remind yourself that your past has made you who and what you are today. Certainly some things you regret, but you became your present self as a result. Think about those negatives that, while hard, shaped you and helped you grow in body, mind and spirit. Chances are some of what you want to let go of was, at times, helpful in the bigger picture. There’s no need to regret that which you have learned from, taken to heart, and grown through.
Clean up. Is your life cluttered? Is your leadership cluttered? The more extraneous mess you have in your life, the less likely you are to work and live with clarity. Clearing the clutter is tough, and it is time-consuming to get to a point of living simply. 1 Corinthians 14:40 reminds us that “…all things should be done decently and in order.”
You’ve probably seen or heard of the TV show “Hoarders”. Each episode features a team of people cleaning out a home literally stuffed beyond livability with junk the owner has collected over the years. Hoarders share a fear of making the wrong decision—what to keep and what to throw out. They can’t imagine life without something, so they keep everything. As leaders, we may not hoard physically, but we can keep junk in our minds that prevent us from beginning anew. A good reset includes throwing some things away and embracing a sense of minimalism as you focus on a few key areas ahead.
The average home contains 300,000 items. And there’s an emotional cost to it. Research conducted for the Huffington Post showed that 84 percent of Americans worry that their homes aren’t organized (or clean) enough. And 55 percent of those folks say it’s a big cause of stress.
Leadership coach John Mertz of ThinDifference.com talks about “leadership minimalism”, which is “a lifestyle that helps people question what things add value to their lives.” Mertz explains, “By clearing the clutter from life’s path, we can all make room for the most important aspects of life: health, relationships, passion, growth, and contribution.” What clutters your own life and leadership that you can clean out now, as you start fresh, that will help you find new clarity? Mertz suggests several things including:
Rules, traditions and past practices that might get in the way of people—including you—doing their best. Are there legacy items in your leadership arsenal that are not only holding you back, but holding your people back too? This can even get down to family and marriage. Are there things in those relationships that you’ve done for so long they’ve become habit, but aren’t helping anyone?
Political clutter that produces water-cooler talk, but doesn’t lead to solutions to problems. This may hit close to home! Are you spending time arguing about ideas for which you are in no position to act or influence? Is it time to pare down time here to devote to more vital projects or causes?
Conflict in relationships that reduces communication, hinders influence and devalues individuals. Do you have people in your life that you don’t get along with? Is it time to clear the air, talk about what they want, what you desire? If you are heading in the same direction, can you better help one another?
Check in. Starting over also means pointing yourself in a direction. Your values and priorities drive where you will go next. And these can change throughout your life. When you were younger, just out of school, maybe you were focused on finding a job, making money, settling down. Your values can dictate the choices you make and determine the direction of your life. Values influence decisions regarding your relationships, career, and activities you engage in.
Despite their importance, few people choose their values. Instead, they most often adopt the values of their parents, or the dominant values of society. In all likelihood, the values that you internalized as a child remain with you through adulthood. As you go through a reset, it’s a smart idea to review those values you hold to, and determine whether they are leading you down the life-path you desire. Are your values driving you, or are you driving your values? Proverbs 10:9 reminds us, “Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out.” Starting anything with a foundation of values, a walk of integrity, gives security.
What did your parents value, and what values did they impress upon you—in regards to achievement, wealth, education, religion, status, independence, or appearance? Think back to your childhood and ask yourself several questions. What values were emphasized in the way your parents lived their lives? What values were stressed in your family? What values were reflected in the way you were rewarded or punished? For example, were you rewarded for being highly ranked in your high school class and for winning in sports, or were you rewarded for giving your best effort and for helping others?
Your next step in the deconstruction process involves looking at your present life and the values your life reflects. In responding to these questions, you should ask yourself what values underlie your answers. Though it’s a bit of a generalization, it is probably safe to say that someone who becomes an investment banker has different values than someone who becomes an elementary school teacher. What those underlying values might be may vary, but one might assume that the investment banker values investing in the engine of commerce, while the teacher values investing in the next generation. Both hold value, but lead to different outcomes.
Finally, consider environment. Where do you live—a high-rise apartment in the city, in the suburbs, or in the country—and what values led you there? What activities do you engage in most—cultural, physical, religious, political, social—and what values are reflected in those activities? What do you talk about mostly—politics, religion, the economy, other people—and what does that tell you about your values? Remember Proverbs 13:20, “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” Your environment informs your values—surrounding yourself with wise people leads to wisdom.
Move forward. As you’ve read, no doubt you have already discovered that starting over is all in the preparation. The majority of the work is letting go, cleaning up and checking in. But undoubtedly the final step is also the hardest, and that’s moving forward. Fear often keeps us from moving forward with something new. Author and speaker Beth Lapides says of fear, “The trick is to feel the fear and start anyway. We imagine that in some future we’ll be able to start without it—if we wait long enough the fear will magically go away or we’ll eventually be ready to face it. Start while you’re afraid. No matter what the fear is, you can proceed with it.”
Second, as you begin, don’t feel you have to dive into the deep end of the pool. One of the biggest mistakes people make about beginning is assuming they need to go full force from the beginning. All or nothing. But think of a swimming pool. There are two ways in—diving and wading. The divers make a splash, but they aren’t necessarily better swimmers. Getting in inch by inch is perfectly fine. Beginning isn’t instantaneous. It’s a process.
Finally, thank God for working in your life, and doing a new work through you. Just as Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” There is a spiritual aspect to any new initiative for a Christ-follower. God desires any effort you make, any new things you aspire to, to be a success when it ultimately brings glory to Him and is aligned with His will and His ways. God has a plan for you with a hope and a future. Let your vision align with His and then ask God to bless the effort—and He will!
Think positive. There’s a psychological effect on our minds at New Years called memory bias. It’s the cognitive trait we share of looking back on past events and having largely positive memories. Our minds over time compress the moment-by-moment memories into larger chunks. We can remember all the details of today, getting up, going to work, eating lunch. But tomorrow some of that fades, and a month from now maybe we don’t even remember today at all. Somehow over time our memories fuse together in our neural pathways, and only best moments are the ones that stand out. On December 31 when you begin singing Auld Lang Syne and the fireworks go off, you tend to look back and realize the year wasn’t so bad after all, and the one ahead looks better than ever.
Your mind is predisposed to think positively and optimistically. Let that work in your favor. As you take the opportunity to reset, to renew, to start fresh, put the past behind you. Throw out the junk in your life and remind yourself why you do what you do. Then move forward in confidence, knowing that as you follow God, He is on your side.