Live and lead long enough and you realize that some people are a few nuts short of a fruit cake. Their elevator doesn’t go to the top floor. They don’t have both oars in the water—there are tons of memes to describe an unbalanced staff person. Through past experience, present circumstance, family and relational issues, financial woes, lack of self-discipline or self-purpose—and there are so many more reasons—some people will drive you and everyone around you crazy.
They might disrupt the office. Or a specific situation occurs which ignites an angry tirade. They might act inappropriately in front of a customer. Worse, they may do something that is clearly wrong, and necessitates a disciplinary response. These are difficult circumstances for a leader, and here are a few things to keep in mind when you deal with that person who is a few sandwiches short of a picnic:
Be positive. This person works for or with you. They were hired for a reason and possess some talents and abilities that are valuable to your organization. Sometimes these cause leaders to overlook employee oddities as “just a character deficiency I have to deal with”. Really though this does not serve the employee well in the long-term, because it just kicks the issue down the road for someone else to deal with later, and likely after it has become more of a serious hindrance to their relationships and even career.
Instead begin any encounter with the positives. Philippians 4:8 admonishes the leader, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Tell the person what is beneficial about their personality, work and contribution to the team. Remind them that your role is to help them perform at their best, and be an integral and wanted member of the organization. When you approach them about a personal issue, it’s because you want the very best for them so that you can get the very best from them.
Be kind. Avoid the temptation come “come down” on someone who is acting poorly. Don’t react to an irrational individual and instead respond. People who are not behaving well will not equate an angry tone as a response to their own actions, but rather as a weakness of the leader’s character. Ephesians 4:32 tells the leader, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Kindness can be expressed by first speaking to a person in private versus among their peers, so as to stave off potential embarrassment. Avoid too the temptation to do all the talking. Listen and give the opportunity for response, explanation and dialog. Sometimes poor behavior simply comes down to the person’s perception they are not being heard.
Be firm. An irrational person will not necessarily accept a rational response. Scripture reminds the leader to be firm in conviction and stance. 1 Corinthians 16:13 says, “Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.” Being firm is not being mean or arrogant. Rather, it is behaving in a way that indicates you are in control and that you are not going to change your mind. Speak slowly, smile, express genuine concern and stick to statements versus questions. Explain that a person’s opinion does not trump behavioral norms. Regardless of how they feel, standards and practices of behavior and interaction must be maintained by all employees.
Be clear. When dealing a marginal person on an issue, it’s important to clearly communicate. Write down what you are going to say ahead of time. Don’t lead in isolation—have someone that you trust review your response and what you plan to say. Make sure you don’t have any blind spots in your words and actions. 1 Corinthians 14:9 reminds the leader, “So also you, unless you utter by the tongue speech that is clear, how will it be known what is spoken? For you will be speaking into the air.”
Have the person in question listen to your statements and ask them to repeat what they heard back to you to ensure clarity. Avoid vague requests like “You need to act more calmly” or “Don’t get upset over little matters”. Those can be easily misinterpreted. Instead be specific—“When you get angry, I want you to come to your supervisor and talk with them privately before you react openly in the office to other members of the staff.” On a discipline matter have them sign statement outlining the issue and repercussions. This is where a great human resources staff person will be immensely helpful. Use specific if-then statements—if this occurs again then I am aware that this will be the consequence.
Be gracious. Grace is a biblical term for unmerited favor. God’s response toward us as sinners was to give us the gift of His Son, Jesus. There is nothing we did to deserve this grace and mercy. We echo Christ in our own lives when we show grace and mercy to others. A gracious response can help you cut through the clutter and be of genuine assistance to someone who is having difficulty in their behavior at work. Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
When you can forgive, always do so. As a leader it is also important to facilitate clearing the air between people and encouraging forgiveness to take place on all sides. Just as Christ did for us with His Father, it is always the initial mission of the leader when difficult people make waves in the workplace to attempt to restore relationships.
Some people are energized when they have interesting news about someone else. They can’t wait to share “inside information”, especially if it paints someone else in a negative or surprising light.