Success is the one thing that most leaders seek, yet with it often reads to depression, disgust and disenchantment. People who have it all—money, fame, family, career, lots of possessions—often find their entire self-worth is tied up in items that have price tags, and not on the intangibles that make life meaningful. If you have everything and are still not satisfied, you may even have the disease of More. It’s an insatiable desire to gain in every area of life, thinking that eventually a level of success will come that is ultimately satisfying. But it won’t.
A recent Forbes author did an informal survey of his readers to determine what they desired most. For a significant portion the answer was “money”.[1] And it’s never enough. A University of Queensland survey of 175,000 people found that the more money you had, the more you wanted it. Professor Jolanda Jetten, co-author of the study, said, “There is a self-reinforcing cycle of social class whereby the wealthy—because they define themselves by wealth and status—seek to achieve more wealth and status, which maintains the status quo or enhances economic inequality”.[2]
Yet most people acknowledge that having more materially will not make them happy. This thought was confirmed in Scripture long before the age of smart phones and supercars. Ecclesiastes 5:10 admonishes, “Whoever loves money never has enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with their income. This too is meaningless.” And another warning in Proverbs 11:4, “Wealth is worthless in the day of wrath, but righteousness delivers from death.” Translation: When it comes right down to it, all the money in the world won’t do you any good when it comes to God—rather, only in pursuing righteousness will you find life.
If you’ve been caught up in the pandemic of constant material want, consider these readily available vaccines. There are ten in all. Each one will help you rid yourself of the disease of more:
A dose of gratitude. In this world there is little if anything that we are entitled to. Everything we have is given to us by God, beginning with the life in our bones and the breath in our lungs. Each day in itself is a blessing. So first, be thankful. Take time in prayer each day to thank God for what you have. Think before praying about the difficulties others face that you don’t—the lack of discomfort and want is also something to be grateful for.
A dose of less. Before buying anything for yourself, ask, “Do I really need this?” and if so, “Will I still need it in five years?” The Bible has more to say about money and possessions that any other topic. 1 Timothy 6:10 says, “But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that.” Contentment is learning to live with and enjoy what you have versus wanting more. Contentment is pleasing to God. It also confirms our eternal view of life—that whatever gains we make in this world pales in comparison to what awaits us in the next. If you really desire to focus on the future, then contentment is a clear acknowledgment of knowing what is to come.
A dose of service. Providing help to others, especially those with a crucial need, creates the opportunity to use your wealth and resources for good. Helping others often brings a sense of belonging and purpose. It helps with our own mental well-being as you see beyond your own experiences and realize the positive impact of what your effort can accomplish. And it can take your mind away from your own wants and desires as you seek to better the lives of those around you.
A dose of generosity. Giving to others is a sure way to quell a desire for more. A University of Michigan study found generosity can also reduce personal stress.[3] In the quest for more, generosity stands as the ultimate material opposite—simply giving away some of what you are attempting to amass. While being built up with compliments seldom affects our sense of self-worth, the gratification of being generous can actually enhance our self-confidence. This state of being is contagious; people who are generous often create a snowball effect in others who in turn want to pay it forward.[4]
A dose of slow. The pace of life can get us caught up in a race for more. So slow down. Make one less commitment. Choose to forgo one more client. Draw a line that gives you time for family, to unwind and relax, to take it all in. Why pursue having it all if once you have it there is no time to enjoy any of it? Add “me time” to your list of “more wants”. You may find that simply taking a break daily, or at least several times a week, will help you gain insight on what is most important in your life. A slower pace, over time, can itself become a greatly desired want in your life.
A dose of patience. The desire for more can come from a sense of impatience. You may struggle with waiting for things that you want, and that waiting intensifies your desire to have them, though you may not deed them. Patience is a difficult skill to master. But it is indeed a skill that can be grown and developed. Patience is remaining calm as you await an outcome. Impatient people are often seen as arrogant, insensitive or impulsive.[5] To develop patience as an antidote to “more”, place restrictions on your actions. If you’re wanting to buy something on impulse, make yourself wait overnight to think about it once again. Self-imposed breaks in your “need more” decision-making can help you be more patient and focus on what you really need versus simply desire.
A dose of respect. Consider that all people, regardless of what they possess, are of great value. Treat people as God treats them, with love, kindness and compassion. Respect means that you accept somebody for who they are, even when they're different from you or you don't agree with them. Respect in your relationships builds feelings of trust, safety, and wellbeing. Approaching each person in your life as worth knowing is a powerful means by which to replace the desire for “more stuff” with a desire for more relationships. An attitude of healthy respect helps us to focus on people versus possessions.
A dose of help. There’s great wisdom in asking others for help with our problems and challenges. Asking for help builds connections by allowing others to share their information and resources and this in turn shows people that you trust their ideas, feel competent in their skills, and appreciate their advice. Asking for help allows for the possibility of fresh ideas and perhaps a new perspective.[6] It just may be that asking others to help you quell your desire for more may lead to practical ways to rechannel your wants into something more productive.
A dose of celebration. Engage in times to celebrate the accomplishments of others. This helps alleviate thoughts that we are in competition with everyone around us. Developing a sense of genuine joy when others succeed is a powerful antidote to wanting more. If you have trouble with this, think first of the accomplishments of your children, spouse or close relatives. It’s easy to celebrate great things happening in the lives of those you love most.
A dose of the creator. Simply put, you cannot pursue a genuine and growing relationship with God while also pursuing a desire for more wealth and success on earth. Jesus said it plainly in Luke 16:13, “You cannot serve God and money.” This is not a deep metaphor for some other purpose. It means exactly what it means—it’s either God or money, not both. Throughout the Bible we see over and over that God desires a close relationship with us as His children. This is how true intimacy with God is; we feel that no one else can really understand the special bond that we share with Him because it’s altogether personal.
When we pursue that relationship as more important and more desired than our pursuit of more, we will be richly rewarded as our walk with God deepens. When you pray, God is not asking for a formula; He doesn’t want you to pretend to be something that you are not. He doesn’t want you to only praise Him, never ask Him for anything, or to say particular phrases to make yourself sound “religious.” Instead, He just wants you to tell Him what is on your heart and mind, just as you would with a trusted friend (1 Peter 5:6-8). If you adopt this life goal, you may find yourself very rich indeed in a relationship that matters more than anything else in this world that you may gain.
[1] https://www.forbes.com/sites/kathycaprino/2016/05/24/the-top-8-things-people-desperately-desire-but-cant-seem-to-attain/
[2] https://www.technology.org/2019/09/26/it-is-never-enough-wealthy-people-desire-money-and-status-more-than-less-fortunate/
[3] https://www.jstor.org/stable/3090239
[4] https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1111/1529-1006.01431
[5] https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTCS_78.htm
[6] https://www.proactivehm.com.au/why-is-asking-for-help-a-good-idea/