Most people carry a load of baggage through life. Past mistakes, relationships, decisions, circumstances weigh us down. These negatives contain fear, anger and regret. We are incomplete, unable to move forward because we believe we have never dealt adequately with the past. We have never found the answer we somehow need to put it behind us.
Worse still, you may be allowing your past to define you. Do you link something that happened years ago to the person you are today? The past cannot be undone or redone. If you continue to hold on to it, like an anchor it will keep you from gaining any real momentum in the present. Here are some practical thoughts to remember as you move past the past.
You are responsible for you. If you feel crushed by circumstances or past events, you might go through life as a victim of the past. Instead you must take responsibility for your life. No one else is responsible for you but you. Though you may be a legitimate victim of something in the past, that mentality will not serve you in the present. Scripture says, “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil” (2 Corinthians 5:10). In the end, God will have you answer for the life of just one person: yourself.
To be a true leader you must first lead yourself. Being personally responsible means growing as a leader day to day. Psychologist Jordan Peterson writes in his book, 12 Rules for Life, to “Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.” You will not successfully lead yourself through comparison to others, even great leaders. They had a different past and experience than you. Even though you can draw principles or practices from others, you can never be like them. Ultimately you must understand who you are, your personal capacities, what you must overcome and where you want to go.
Pick up your mess. Do you live in a “what if” world, constantly dreaming of what could or might be, but never taking any real steps in that direction? The past is messy. So start by cleaning up the messes in your life. Resolve old conflicts and relationships. It may be a simple as writing a letter to someone expressing your thoughts. Offering forgiveness is among the most powerful means to processing and bringing resolution to the past. Additionally, realize that in almost all circumstances you can’t do anything to change a situation or a person, so you must let it go.
How do you plan to make a difference in the world if your own life is a disorganized mess? Start with making your own bed.
Admiral William McRaven’s book Make Your Bed is a great reminder of personal responsibility. McRaven’s point is that you cannot live out your dreams, or accomplish the greater good, if you can’t keep your own room straight. How can you assume you have the fortitude and capacity to lead others if your own life is lacking in leadership? Don’t jump past the clutter in your own household in the pursuit of lofty goals or world-changing ideals. A strong personal life-ethic begins with you. 1 Timothy 3:5 echoes this thought: “For if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church?” Those who want to move past the past should first get their own house in order.
Clarify your priorities. What is paramount to you in life? Which relationships, which tasks, which expenses, which goals are of utmost importance? Clarifying those priorities on which you want to focus your time and attention will help you put down some past issues that are minor. A strong sense of priorities also gives better perspective on the real impact that your past has on your present.
Your past is likely filled with errors, regrets, mistakes, outright wrongs, that reveal priorities that are off-course or uncharted altogether. The past can, however, inform priorities in the present, as you zero in on those areas which have the most meaning and momentum for you. Matthew 6:33 says, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Jesus is saying here that priorities must grow out of your faith and spiritual walk, and that following God first will result in added things—good things—for the focused life.
Make a point of it. This might sound like an odd exercise, but sometimes to release the past it’s helpful to go through a physical act. It’s a tangible reminder of a specific choice you have made to put the past behind you. Write down those past issues that you have dealt with and burn the note. Or bury it in the back yard. Or run it through a shredder. Through yourself a “rebirthday party” today and let it be the first day of your present and future. A gesture like this can be meaningful in your life as the point at which the past fully and truly became the past.
As a leader, you’re not over a what, but a who. To lead is to influence others in a way that helps them grow personally, professionally and spiritually. Leadership is fundamentally about influencing people.