Have you ever received an invitation to an important event? How did it make you feel, getting that oversized envelope in the mail, opening to the gold-foil liner and finding that you had been invited to something special? No, not that distant work-friend who invited you to their daughter’s wedding in the hope of rounding out her fine China gift selection. But rather, the invitation that conveys the value placed on your relationship. Every now and then, we receive a rare ask to be a part of something uniquely meaningful.
The date was July 29, 1981, for the most famous wedding in the world. It’s estimated that 750 million people watched on TV as Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer took their vows at St. Paul’s Cathedral in London.[1] But just 3,500 people received an invitation to attend the event in person. These included members of the Royal Family, heads of state, English dignitaries, and families and friends of the bride and groom. The Office of the Lord Chamberlain sent out the invitations for the “wedding of the century”. Today, an original invitation and ceremonial booklet from Charles’ and Diana’s wedding can fetch more than $2,000 in the collectibles market.[2] Imagine how you may have felt if you had received one of these highly coveted invitations in the mail.
An original invitation from the wedding of Charles and Diana now goes for more than $2000. Photo: Creative Commons
An invitation is an important and powerful leadership tool. It may set the stage and create anticipation. In business, at church, on a social occasion—an invitation communicates to another that you like them, enjoy their company, and honor the relationship. Regardless of whether or not they accept, the invitation itself conveys value. It’s a tangible gesture that strengthens a relationship. Often, we want to bring others into our orbit. It could be a family member, or a friend, or a client, or a coworker. We want to begin a conversation, pitch a product or service, share a special moment, give honor or remembrance. Consider how an invitation may play a role in bringing someone closer.
Use the word “invite”. Don’t just email or call. Especially don’t send a text. Write it down, and say, “I’d like to invite you to…”. Bonus points for phrases that uplift the invitee: “It would honor me if you might attend…”. An invitation is important because it’s an opportunity to convey value—you’re saying by inviting that the other person’s time and attendance is truly meaningful to you.
Make it special and personal. When you invite someone to anything, emphasize the relationship, and focus on the person you are inviting. Saying words like, “It would honor me to have you present” or “This event won’t be complete without you,” raises the stakes for your invitee, expressing the personal nature of their attendance. Being polite also makes an invitation special. Say, “Please come” or “Would you consider joining me for?” versus “See you there!”
Overdeliver. A great invitation falls flat if the event itself doesn’t live up to its billing. A great friend of mine invited couples to his home through the years for dinner. He would invite them personally. Then his wife would go out and select fresh flowers for their dining room table. He would research what the couple liked to eat, and they’d prepare a meal to their guests’ specific tastes. Once, years later, when I had lunch with this friend for the first time, he learned that I had adopted children from China. So, for lunch he chose an authentic Chinese restaurant nearby. He wore hearing aids at the time, so when we arrived he selected a place to sit that was quiet, so he could hear clearly during our conversation.
The point here is that this person spent a great deal of time thinking about his interactions with others. He wanted the atmosphere, the food, the location, the setting—every facet of the encounter—to be well done. He increased the value of his invitation in the execution of it. Remember, when it comes to an invitation, always overdeliver.
Get to the point. When you make an invitation, think through what you want to accomplish in your interaction. For a salesperson this of course might be to make a sale. But that’s often not the best place to start. How do you want to grow the relationship? What about building trust? What do you want to learn about the other party? What would be the ideal follow-up? Whatever the point of the interaction is, have a clearly-thought-out process to get there.
Often when meeting people for the first time, I will invite them to lunch. My point is simple. I want to learn something unique about the person, and I want to know how to pray for them. I have a small notebook I carry with me and I write down these two questions so I don’t forget them. Knowing something unique about the person helps me to remember them for the next time I interact with them. And asking how I can pray for them reveals a personal or spiritual need they have which I may be able to help meet. I always walk away from an encounter with these two pieces of information.
Follow up. A properly given invitation can open a door to a relationship. But failure to follow up can close that door just as quickly. Look at an invitation as the beginning of a process. Use it to set the stage, then follow up afterwards to ensure you close the loop. Follow up is another opportunity to show gratitude and value the relationship. A kindly worded “thank you”, especially if it’s a handwritten card or more personal communication, can find even greater value because it tells the other party you weren’t just in it to meet them. You want to begin something that goes further.
An invitation is an important and powerful leadership tool. It may set the stage and create anticipation. In business, at church, on a social occasion—an invitation communicates to another that you like them, enjoy their company, and honor the relationship.