How can you begin a men’s fellowship for the purpose of growing in leadership? Our simple model of gathering weekly in a small group setting to learn, live and lead has seen thousands of men become great leaders through more than 40 years. If you want to become a more effective man, husband, father and leader, it begins around a table. When you meet each week, you and your group will be mentored by the greatest leader of all time, Jesus Christ.
We call our groups Friday Morning Men’s Fellowships. A fellowship is an association of people with a mutual interest. Fellowship comes from the Greek word koinonia, meaning “to hold something in common”. The word is used more than 20 times in the New Testament (Philippians 2:1-2, Acts 2:42, 1 John 1:6-7, for instance).[1] Koinonia describes the unity of the Spirit that comes from Christians’ common beliefs, convictions, and behaviors. When shared values are present, koinonia (biblical fellowship) happens.
Jesus had fellowship with His own disciples. He had a small group of 12 men that He poured His life and wisdom into for three years. We read His disciples’ accounts in the four Gospels. But we know the Bible’s focus is on Christ, and doesn’t contain all of Jesus’ interactions with His disciples. Think about their mealtimes together, the walks from place to place, going fishing—all of the daily activities of life where the disciples were learning how to live and lead from Jesus. This this small group of men would go on to change the world as a result of their time with Christ.
You can start a small group today. Beginning a men’s fellowship can be done using principles that Jesus demonstrated in the Bible. There are just four practical steps:
Choose your fellow men. There is no magic number for a men’s fellowship table. Jesus had 12 disciples in His “inner circle”, and we have found 8-12 men makes for a great table group. Notice that Jesus choose 12 ordinary men—He didn’t ask religious or political leaders at the time. He choose men who were rich and poor, educated and uneducated.
Take a piece of paper and draw a big circle on it. Write your name at the center of the circle. Then, working from inside to outside, write names of men you know based on how close they are to you. Put family members (brothers, uncles, father, sons) near the center. Then think of friends, work and community associations as you go out. The average man can name about 150 people who they associate with. Pick 10-12 men you would like to learn with and start your invite list. Save the circle page for additional names later.
Call them to join you. When Jesus selected His disciples, He called them. Matthew 4:19 recounts: “And He said to them, “Come, follow me…” Make your invitation friendly and personal. “Would you join me for an informal mentoring group I’m starting on Friday mornings?” Let each man know you’re only inviting a limited number of people and you would be blessed by their participation. Can your group be composed of men at your work or your church? Certainly, but the most important aspect of forming a group is being around men you personally know, respect, and want to learn with and from.
Tell them the reason for gathering. Back to Matthew 4:19. After Jesus said, “Come, follow me…” He gave them the reason for the invitation: “…and I will make you fishers of men.” Jesus first four disciples were fishermen. His invitation mentioned what they did for work and took it to another level. You guys know how to catch fish, now I want to teach you how to spiritually catch fish. Likewise, you should share the reason for getting together. “I want each of us to become a better man and leader at home, at work and in my community. I want you to join me, and let’s work together toward that goal.”
Pick a neutral place and begin. Find a nearby site to meet. A restaurant that serves breakfast works best. Friday Morning Men’s Fellowships meet weekly on Fridays. We meet weekly because strong relationships are built when we spend time together frequently (as opposed to monthly or quarterly). And we chose Fridays because it’s the most flexible day of the workweek for most men. Now you can add a reminder to your invitation: “Meet me on Friday morning.” Keep your meeting to 60-90 minutes. Start and end on time and communicate with your group regularly—respect their investment of time in the fellowship.
Not everyone will say “yes.” Jesus had hundreds of disciples during His days on earth. The gospels focus on His “inner circle” of twelve. Just after Jesus had fed 5,000 people and walked on water, He began teaching about His coming death. When He talked about the sacrificial nature of following Him, many of His disciples left. John 6:66 says, “From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.” Even one of the twelve, Judas Iscariot, would eventually betray Him.
Not every man will respond positively to your invitation and some will fall away over time. Be ready to go back and invite additional men from your brainstorming “circle”. The story of Jesus forming His group of disciples has another interesting facet. In John 1, the same story is told. Jesus calls Andrew, and “The first thing Andrew did was to find his brother Simon and tell him, ‘We have found the Messiah’ (that is, the Christ). And he brought him to Jesus” (John 1:41). Simon Peter becomes a disciple of Jesus at his brother’s invitation. As you begin your table group, encourage those who respond positively to invite their own friends and associates. You never know whose life will be impacted as a part of the group.
[1] https://seminary.grace.edu/understanding-biblical-christian-fellowship/
“What did the EKG say?” I asked the nurse. “Oh baby,” she said, “You’re having a heart attack!” This is a true story about being in the right place at the right time.