As a leader, mastering forgiveness is a powerful tool for teambuilding. Can you forgive mistakes and continue to engage without judgment, despite offense or negative outcomes? If so, you demonstrate the ability to build positive relationships in spite of transitory circumstances. Forgiveness makes you a better leader.
Forgiveness does not mean lack of consequences. Forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing harm done, or not making adjustments to prevent similar issues. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life. It will help you with physical, emotional and spiritual wellbeing. When you don’t forgive, you may be left with lasting feelings of anger and bitterness—even vengeance.
If you don’t consider forgiveness a leadership tool, consider that God Himself has a powerful ability to forgive. 1 John 1:9 tells us that “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” The whole of the Bible is a powerful story of God’s provision of forgiveness for people. When we learn to forgive, we are emulating a core character trait of God Himself. Because forgiveness is the heart of the Gospel, when we forgive as God forgives, it opens the opportunity to share our faith through the very act of forgiveness. How does one lead through forgiveness?
Learn to overlook. One means of forgiveness is simply to overlook an offense or wrong. In some situations you can do this. Ask yourself does the situation even rise to the level of mentioning it? Proverbs 19:11 tells us, “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” We live in a victim-heavy society, where people are quick to be offended. In many instances, we can simply choose to not be offended.
Leaders who can overlook minor offense, or who can respond positively when wronged, possess a powerful character skill. People may say of them they are “not easily rattled” or “remain calm under pressure”. The advantage of being “slow to anger” is that the leader can better focus both on the problem or situation at hand, and the development of the people involved. Our current culture gives high status to victimhood. Many people look for ways to be offended so they can be a victim in a circumstance, regardless of whether or not they suffered actual harm. To rise above offense as much as possible is the mark of confidence in one’s own ability to handle the negatives of life.
Learn to specifically forgive. Leaders can also choose to react without judgment or shame at an offense. When forgiving, the objective is not to punish, but to restore the relationship. The act that hurt or offended you might always be with you, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help free you from the control of the person who harmed you. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.[1]
Specific forgiveness is to isolate an act or situation—the one thing that caused offense or harm—and forgive it. In relationships we have a tendency to lump every negative thought into a given situation regarding another person. The Bible tells us to forgive, but to also realize that part of life is just putting up with aspects of others that we may not particularly like. Colossians 3:13 says, “Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” Bear with one another means to be patient with another.
Choose to forgive. At its heart, forgiveness is a choice. Know first that forgiveness is an option. In a culture that puts so much emphasis on “justice”, often we do not even consider forgiveness as a means to reconciliation. If you are in a position to forgive, then forgive. Your own mental fitness is also key. If you are spiritually and emotionally mature, you can better cultivate an attitude of forgiveness in your own mind. Pride, a sense of entitlement or a desire to exact revenge can be mental impairments to forgiveness.[2]
Finally, the acts of others can produce anger, lack of trust, anxiety and other responses that make it difficult to forgive. Give these emotions and consequences over to God and ask Him to act on your behalf to help you through pain that makes it difficult to forgive. Psalm 55:22 reminds us to “Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.” In the New Testament Jesus also tells us, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:28-29).
Forgetting and forgiveness go hand-in-hand. Perhaps the greatest challenge in forgiving is putting the issue behind you. Being hurt—particularly someone you love and trust—can cause anger, sadness and confusion. If you dwell on the memories of hurtful events or situations, grudges can take root. You may be filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility. You might find yourself consumed by bitterness or a sense of injustice.
Brian Harbour of The Center for Christian Ethics at Baylor University writes, “When God forgives, God forgets. This truth is repeatedly affirmed in Scripture. According to the psalmist, God has removed our sin from us as far as east is from west (Psalm 103:12). Jeremiah predicted that when Messiah came, God would forgive all our iniquity and remember our sin no more (Jeremiah 31:34). Micah said God would cast our sins into the deepest sea (Micah 7:19). Paul told the Roman Christians God would forgive our sins and cover them up (Romans 4:7). When God forgives our sin He puts it out of His mind; He erases it from the pages of time; He forgets it.”[3]
Ultimately this spiritual truth comes from the fact that God paid our debt of sin and the guilt associated with it through His Son, Jesus, on the cross. Because the consequence of sin is gone, there is simply no need to hold on to it. And it is too because of Christ in our lives that we can choose to forget when we forgive. It emulates a character trait of God, Who we strive to become more like each day through the Holy Spirit. Godly leaders who forgive increase their influence through restored relationships, and realize greater focus on goals and activities of the moment, rather than dwelling on past hurts and damage. This is the power of forgiveness in the life of a leader—the unique ability to forgive, forget, and move on.
Mark Maynard