Have you offended someone today? By your words, your actions, your beliefs, you’ve likely stepped over an invisible line and given offense to your neighbor, coworker, acquaintance or even a total stranger. Or maybe the opposite has happened—you yourself have been offended by the actions or words of someone else. The current culture is one that could be described as “easily offended”. The active of being offensive or giving offense is seen as inappropriate and unacceptable. 

Being offended is to feel hurt, angry or upset by something that is said or done. Note that offense is a feeling. Very few offenses result in harming anyone in a factual way, but rather put others into an emotional state because they are confronted with someone else’s beliefs with which they disagree. Being offended, then, is a choice in how we respond to others’ beliefs, values or practices. Ephesians 4:2 says, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” As Christ followers, whether in giving offense or taking it, we are reminded to “take the high road”. 

Giving offense. Scripture reminds us to do as much as we can to live at peace with those around us. Romans 12:18 commands, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” This doesn’t mean we simply forgo living and speaking our beliefs, but it does mean that we do not do so in such a manner as to provoke offense in others. This proves more difficult as the culture redefines longstanding norms such as when life begins, or what gender is, or what godly sexual relations are. Saying “Gender is a biological fact” is today considered offensive by some.

Scripture in these situations is helpful. Proverbs 18:13 reminds us, “A person who answers without listening is foolish and disgraceful.” If someone is offended by your words or actions, the first thing to do is to listen and attempt to understand. Arguments seldom lead to agreement and offended individuals don’t possess an open mind to debate viewpoints. Instead take the path that seeks to understand why someone is offended and then to “agree to disagree”. A baseline resolution when giving offense is to get to the point where you can say, “I understand why you are offended. This is what I believe based on the facts as I know them, and so we disagree on this, but I still want to be your friend.” When giving offense, always try to put the relationship ahead of the viewpoint.

Taking offense. How should you react when someone else offends you? Proverbs 19:11 says, “A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.” There is little if anything to be gained by being offended. It is simply reacting to something with a feeling. Being constantly or easily offended reveals an insecurity in your own personality and beliefs. 

Jesus warned us that in our lives as His followers we will face persecution and rejection. This should not surprise us nor offend us. We should have the wisdom to overlook offenses. Christ followers should strive to be great mediators. A mediator is someone who develops compassion toward others and seeks to build relationships despite disagreement. First, understand what you believe and why you believe it. When offense comes, this helps you to determine the core of the disagreement. Second, recognize negative emotions that accompany offense—jealousy, envy, resentment, distrust, a desire for hurt or revenge. None of these will yield a positive result in your own life and only serve to reinforce hate or dislike in others. Resolve to live your beliefs in a positive and constructive manner, seeking not to offend, but to by example show your beliefs as true, caring and trustworthy.

Temper offense. In giving or receiving, none of these actions will remove all offense. Scripture is clear though that our lives should be lived in a temperate manner. 1 Peter 5:8 reminds us to “Be sober-minded; be watchful…” Look at social and mainstream media and you’ll see people by the thousands seeking views and clicks based on their emotional overreaction to the offense of the day. Our systems of communication seem bent on spurring you and others to be offended at any opinion that receives dislike or disagreement. In this environment, we must be sober-minded. The original language of “sober-minded” literally means “free from intoxicating influences”. Do not allow the emotion of offense cloud your judgment, or so influence your actions and reactions that you lose your ability to positively influence and lead.