How do you facilitate a small group of men around a table so that all of you develop as leaders? For more than 40 years, Friday Morning Men’s Fellowships have met weekly, growing individuals to lead in marriage, at home, in the workplace and in their communities. Each time you meet there should be a man who is leading the table—this could be you, or another man who can be a good facilitator. The role of the table leader is important. This person keeps the table focused, on time, and on track.

The table leader is responsible for answering the question that every man attending is asking himself when he attends: “How does this hour benefit me today?” The relationships formed, discussion topic, comments made, questions asked, support and prayer given—any and all of these may be of benefit to a man. A fellowship is not a Bible study. The goal is not to become theologians. It’s also not a social club, so don’t use up your time just getting to know one another. A fellowship is a small group of like-minded people united in purpose. The goal in meeting weekly is to grow as leaders and as men. Remember:

Table leaders are facilitators. Avoid teaching by lecture. You may have a separate “leadership talk”, but the table is for total participation. The job of the table leader is to facilitate a discussion. The table format of an “ice breaker” question, an in-depth discussion, and a brief time of application, is designed to get every man talking, every week. Men grow when they are engaged. If you invite men to come to a fellowship and all they do is sit and listen—well, they could have experienced that watching YouTube, or with an audiobook in the car on the way to work.

You’ll want to have a list of questions ready that will stimulate active discussion. Table leaders ask good questions (read the separate article on Discussion at the Table for suggestions). Table leaders encourage men to respond. And they’re not judgmental—men need to be free to say what’s on their mind, or what they believe an answer might be, even if they are wrong. The table leader facilitates a discussion where every man feels at ease enough to talk. Many men learn by auditory processing—saying out loud what they are thinking, even as they are just coming to an understanding or still working it out in their head. Not every comment will be valuable, but understand in discussion that you will have wide-ranging views that, over time, congeal into meaningful wisdom.

Table leaders focus on leadership and manhood. Political beliefs, favorite sports teams and players, a great meal you cooked last weekend—it’s easy to go off on a tangent during a discussion. Don’t allow a man to hijack the discussion, but at the same time, allow the talk to wander a bit as long as the men stay engaged. Remember, growing in manhood and leadership are the goal, and relationships are how this is ultimately lived-out. The discussion guides we provide online will help you make the connections between the Scriptures and the applications to manhood and leadership.

To prepare, you might take your discussion guide or other prepared materials you are using and highlight the 3-5 key words that you want to hear mentioned during the table time. You should be converging on the leadership topic of the day no later than a third of the way through your time—so 20-30 minutes in, depending on the length of time you meet. Nothing kills a table group faster than lack of focus. You’ll want about two-thirds of your time going toward the leadership topic, so as you pepper the discussion through questions, if you don’t see the group headed in that direction, don’t be afraid to indicate you need to get on track.

Table leaders build relationships. The most important investment of the table leader’s time during the week is not preparing a discussion, but rather building relationships with the group. This too is why we provide curriculum and discussion guides—so that you do not have to go through the work of preparing one yourself. Though a self-prepared discussion may be useful at times, the hours you spend on the fellowship outside of your meeting should also be focused. Each week should contain some correspondence with each group member, via email, text, phone, or in-person. Learn about each man’s priorities, their families, their challenges, and concerns. Leadership development is relational, and you will demonstrate this when you prioritize relationships as a leader. The table leader’s contacts and relationship-building are teaching leadership by their very nature.

As a table leader, keep a list of your men, along with areas of their lives and work where you may be engaged in prayer. When you pray for them, God will reveal ways in which you can invest in each man for his personal and spiritual growth. As table leader, remind your men you are for them—their success and development. Let them know you are “in their corner” and want God’s best for them as a part of the table group.

Table leaders keep the door open. Maybe you’ve had a boss or coworker that has said at the office, “My door is always open.” It’s a common phrase to encourage coworkers to bring problems and concerns to management. In a men’s fellowship, the table leader should communicate this clearly and regularly. The table leader must be on the lookout and actively seeking the needs and concerns of group members. Individual conversations are often where life-change occurs. You might say at the close of each meeting, “Remember, my door is always open, if you have a need, or question or concern, or prayer request,” but this is probably not enough. In your weekly contacts, consider a text or an email to each man: “Is there anything I can be praying about for you? Are you having any challenges at work or home? Is there a topic or leadership area that’s important to you that we need to cover?”

Table leaders develop in discretion. As men attend the table group for a number of weeks, they will begin opening up more on discussion topics. Don’t force this—a man must grow in his comfort level with the group. You may want to “go round the table” when asking a lighthearted “ice breaker” question, but when asking for prayer requests, don’t force everyone to speak. Develop a sense of discernment to know whether a man is comfortable sharing personal information with the group. There’s a big difference in asking a man to introduce himself (“Hello, I’m Ted and I work for AT&T.”) and asking him for prayer requests, or a spiritual perspective, or to pray.

Additionally, just like Las Vegas or “Fight Club”, remind men that “what’s talked about at the table stays with the table.” Men need to have a place of confidentiality and trust, where they can open up about areas which may be of some challenge or difficulty to them. This cannot be accomplished involuntarily. The table leader must demonstrate his discretion and insist on it for the table group.

It's harder than it looks. Leading a table is challenging because relational leadership is hard to accomplish. It relies on time-built trust, and this requires an investment on the part of the table leader and others in the individual. In our fast-paced business and social culture, men will want to “skip past” the time-consuming parts and get to the meat—“Give me the three steps I need to lead.” But that is not what leadership is. There are no three steps. The table time itself is what is of value, and leadership flows from the table over time to saturate each man and affect his actions, attitudes and relationships. May your table be all it was designed to be, both for you as a leader and for the men you are serving.