Have you ever been at a dinner with friends or family, and listened to them discuss their job promotions, successful relationships or other exciting life experiences? Sometimes we are happy and proud of their accomplishments, but at the same time in our minds we will compare our life to theirs. In your current position in work and life, do you look at others around you and wonder, “Why am I not further along? Why am I not more successful? Why haven’t I achieved what that other guy has achieved?” This is comparison thinking. It’s unwise, and it can stunt your personal development.

Your life and experiences are unique to you, which is why comparisons are never, ever fair. Magda Murawska writes for the Albert Ellis Institute, “In such situations, we need to remind ourselves that our self-worth is not based on our behaviors or what we have (or don’t have). Though it is quite all right to admire a colleague’s wardrobe or a friend’s job, our admiration should stop there. Once we cross into comparing our own wardrobe or job to theirs, we enter a danger zone that may result in feeling quite lousy about ourselves.”[1]

You don’t know the whole story. Comparisons focus on the successes of others while ignoring the challenges. When you compare, you are never looking at a complete picture. Yes, your friend may drive an expensive sports car, but it might have come at the expense of their marriage through over-work. Or they may be in great debt. Your neighbors might be taking a dream trip abroad. But they haven’t told you one is suffering from a disease or diagnosis and the trip is a break from difficult medical treatments. Not all of the blessings of others are attached to corresponding negatives, but many are.

When you place yourself in another’s shoes, you are judging their position based on the limited view that you have. Few people, if they had a complete picture of another person’s life, relationships, work and decisions, would choose to actually be in their skin. Murawska comments, “We as humans are too complex to be rated or described by a phrase or two. We are similarly too complex to rate ourselves based on the comparison to another, complex human being.”

Comparison with limited input is a form of idle gossip. Think about it: You’re spending time observing someone and making judgments based on limited info. Maybe you even go about Googling that person, or sifting through their social media, to find out more. The Bible warns against this. 2 Thessalonians cautions, “For we hear that some among you walk in idleness, not busy at work, but busybodies.” Northing worthwhile comes from being a busybody.

The other guy has ten years on you. Another great danger in comparison is looking at someone who has years on you in terms of knowledge, experience and work. When you try to measure yourself against someone who is further along in life, you make an unjust comparison. The other person has had more time to get to where you too want to be. Scripture reminds us of the folly of comparison saying, “Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding” (2 Corinthians 10:12).

Most often this appears when you look at someone older than you. Five, ten or more years difference in life experience is a terrible comparison because the person you are comparing yourself to has simply had more time to get where they are. A much better thought line to have with older adults is to view them as potential mentors and those who might pass on their wisdom to you. Don’t envy. Instead ask questions and seek wise counsel. What can you do now that they may or may not have done at your age? As them what can you invest in today with time and resources that will yield benefits for you down the road. Their answers will likely surprise you because no matter how successful someone appears, nearly always when asked they wished they had done things with significant differences.

The thing that matters is where you were and where you are. A healthy kind of comparison is self-comparison, looking at where you were a year ago, five years ago, and where you are today. What is God doing in your own life? Where are you learning and how is He advancing you for His purposes? If we want to put our own worth to the test, we don’t compare ourselves to others, but rather to our own past. This bears a wealth of helpful knowledge. 2 Corinthians 13:5 agrees, instructing us to “Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you fail to meet the test!”

Where are you in your life today? What challenges do you face and what have you accomplished? What trajectory are you on, and are there adjustments you need to make to improve your focus and your future? Comparison along our life path is a tremendous distraction. Consider how you might be more productive and effective in life and leadership by putting aside the temptation of comparison. Instead follow God’s Word for personal and professional development. Romans 12:2 commends us: “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

[1] https://albertellis.org/2014/07/the-dangers-of-comparison/